As I sit here waiting to wash nit shampoo off my hair, I started thinking about all the really gross and unsexy bits about being a mum.
No one exactly tells you being a mum is going to be a glamorous affair but you could be fooled into thinking it is if you believe the photos of celebrity mums you see on social media. They’re all tropical holidays, designer clothes, smiling kids and immaculate make-up. Where are the tantrums,mum-buns, snot covered clothes and an audience while you’re on the loo?
If you’re not yet a mum, or if you are and want something to relate to, here are the most unglamorous things that have happened to me in the almost 7 years since I became a mum…
The inspiration for this post! We managed 6 years before headlice visited and between my husband and I we have now spent many hours combing nits out of our darling child’s hair. Terrified of having nits, even though I haven’t seen any yet, I’ve also covered myself with the horrible, sticky shampoo.
Getting wee’d on
Changing nappies when you’re out and about can be challenging. I got wee;’d on in shops and restaurants and in a park. I remember being in the park for about 5 minutes when her nappy leaked all over both of us. I had to strip her down and change her on the parcel shelf of the car then head straight home to change my own clothes! There was also the time when she needed a wee in a park with no toilets – it ended with her weeing on my hands as I tried to stop her weeing on her trousers…
Definitely one of the most disgusting experiences of my life. As if wiping bums and cleaning up sick isn’t bad enough, there’s washing bed sheets and pyjamas in the middle of the night. On one particularly gross occasion when Little H caught a D&V bug from nursery I chose to throw away my own jeans and top rather than wash them it was that bad!
I’ve caught sick in my hands many times. I also sacrificed my jumper in the car when I could tell Little H was about to puke all over herself and her car seat. I threw that item of clothing away too, as well as having to scrub sick out of car seat upholstery – how does it get everywhere?
When you don’t have a tissue you will wipe your kid’s snotty face with your sleeve or your hand, whatever is available. It will also get on your clothes without you even knowing. I’ve been sat at work for a few hours before noticing that I had a giant smear of snot down my trousers that I’d put on clean that morning. Not a good look when you have to go into a meeting with your boss.
I asked my fellow mummy bloggers for their most unglamorous mum moments and they did not disappoint…
Eileen, 2 Nerds & A Baby – I wiped my child’s arse with my bare hand out of exhaustion.
Rebecca, My Girls & Me – Having to walk around Tesco with a big poop mark down my top, trying to find another top to buy quick as we have just had a poop explosion in the toilets.
Laura, Five Little Doves – I accidentally ate a regurgitated potato waffle off my daughter’s plate. That was pretty much a low point for me.
Georgina, Gee Gardner – Not necessarily me although my post-pregnancy bladder nearly gave way from laughing – my poor other half was changing our youngest when she’s was about a week or so old and she power farted and got poo right in his mouth. It still makes me laugh.
Katie, Mummy’s Diary – Ah I had just had a lovely relaxing bath washed my hair came downstairs sat on the floor to play with my son he waddled over and spewed straight on top of my hair, safe to say I had to have a shower.
Sarah, Mummy Cat Notes – Bouncing my son on my knees when he was a baby, he gave me a huge smile before throwing up all down me, right into my bra! So gross!
Karen, Monkey Feet – Where should I start catching poo with my bare hands, having my son poo and wee on me seconds after he was born and placed on my bare chest, holding a bag for my daughter to poo in when we were caught short in the park, then carrying said poo in my handbag until we found a bin, but the height of lost dignity has to be catching norovirus and mastitis at the same time, spending my days alternating between puking in a bowl in one hand while the other held my nursing child and dangling my boobs in a warm bath whilst jiggling a baby in a bouncer and singing nursery rhymes to entertain the bigger two children.
Fran, Back With A Bump – Proudly taking my eldest into work when she was tiny, only for her to projectile poo out her trouser leg, down me, my flip-flops and the office carpet. I made a hasty exit after that!!
Anna, Midwife Mama Bear – Waving my 2-month-old newborn son in the air to attempt to get w chuckle for him to puke directly into my mouth.
Victoria, Lylia Rose – My son is constantly wiping his snotty nose and food covered face on me! Not a good look when you’re out for the day!
Claire, Live Love & Dirty Dishes – When my Son was one he projectiled 5 times his body weight all over me. In Next. The one time I didn’t take the change bag with me. I had to walk back to the car dripping with vomit and drive home in my underwear. Two lessons learnt. 1 always take the change bag. 2 listen to your mother when she says where matching underwear.
How about you, what’s your most unglamorous mum moment?!