I think one of most parents main fears when their children start school is bullying. Mine definitely was, especially having such a sensitive little girl. I know first hand how horrible girls can be.
Unfortunately, we’ve had a couple of cases to deal with in the first 2 years of school. The first incident in Early Years was a little boy who kept pinching, pushing and pulling Little H’s hair. We managed to nip it in the bud quite quickly and although I don’t want to make excuses for the boy, he was quickly identified as the class “problem child” so I think Little H had just been unlucky enough to be put next to him in class.
This year, in Year 1, it’s been more of the emotional bullying that unfortunately you expect from girls. Though I wasn’t expecting it from girls as young as 5 and 6! There’s been a group of girls following Little H around telling her they don’t like her and don’t want to be her friend. The worst part is that it escalated into them telling other girls in the class not to play with her either. In Little H’s world, everyone is friends and she just can’t understand it when someone doesn’t like you if you haven’t done anything.
Knowing your child is being bullied is heartbreaking, especially when you’ve been through it yourself. Your first instinct is to want to go to the school and shout at the bullies and their parents – unfortunately, that’s not allowed!
Here are a few tips on how to deal with primary school bullying…
Speak to the school straight away
The quicker the teachers know about it, the quicker it can get sorted. Even if it sounds petty it’s worth mentioning it before it escalates to anything worse.
Make sure your child knows who to speak to
As well as their own class teacher there should be other staff who your child can speak to. Make sure they’re aware of who they can go to at lunch time, or when they’re not with their usual teacher.
Put it in writing
Write down everything that your child mentions about the bullying, this way you have lots of examples ready when you speak to the teacher. It’s also a good idea to write a letter to the school with your concerns and outlining what has been going on. The school will have to act on any correspondence and keep it on file.
Check in with your child
Even if they don’t mention it to you, the bullying might still be taking place. Ask them questions about who they’ve played with at school and whether everyone is being nice. Ask them if there’s anything they want to talk about, rather than bombarding them with questions. Make sure they know they can talk to you about anything that bothers them.
Keep talking to the school
Tell the school that you want to be kept updated with how they’re dealing with the situation. Don’t worry about being a ‘pain’ and contacting the school regularly.
Reassure your child it’s not their fault
It’s really important that your child doesn’t think they’ve done something wrong. Explain to them why some children bully other children, and that the bullies are in the wrong. Let them know they’ve done the right thing by telling you or the teacher what’s been going on.
Hopefully, these tips will help – though really I hope you never have to use them!
If you have any other tips to deal with bullying I’d love to hear them.
It’s awful isn’t it that kids can be so mean to one another?! Luckily we haven’t had to deal with it yet, we’ve had a few mean comments our way but nothing that has become a regular occurrence & Lily was straight off to tell the teachers when the mean comments were said. These are brilliant tips, even if it’s not directly your child, you may know someone else who’s having to deal with it and you can pass this on! – I hope Little H doesn’t have to put up with it much longer and the girls realise she’s lovely too! – Becky #blogstravaganza
Its something that I would hate to happen to my boys. Both me and my husband were bullied at school although older, and I feel like I so desperately want to protect my children, but I know you cant always be there to fight their battles. Year 1 does seem so early, I think girls can be particularly mean. Your poor little girl. I hope that it gets rectified soon, and that she and you are ok. Thanks for the tips, they are really good to know. xx #blogstravaganza
I was also surprised how early bullying began at school. Unfortunately kids have to learn that bullies are just that – bullies – and worthy of our time. I hope your little one can understand that, and good for you for being in constant contact with the school!
~Jeaa
so sad to hear 🙁 but yes, it does go on 🙁 writing everything down is a good idea as I know I’d get too emotional in a meeting with the school and forget it all x
This is something I am so worried about. Thankfully we haven’t had to deal with it yet
Such great advice here. As a teacher bullying is something I am very passionate about preventing, so would definitely echo your advice to talk to the teacher.
Thanks, good to know it’s advice teachers would agree with!
I agree it is important to put it in writing to help highlight the seriousness of the situation. I had to do this myself. I hate bullies and won’t let my children be victims. Glad you are highlighting this and helping others with the info.
I worried about this so much when
My son started school. These points are all spot on and nipping it in the bud is key to resolving it. Every class has a problem child!!!
My children aren’t yet at school, but i already find myself worrying about bullying, This is a great post and one that i will keep for future reference. Thanks so much for sharing with #Blogstravaganza xx
This is one of my biggest fears when it comes to having children, knowing it’s going on must be so heartbreaking! I hope all gets sorted soon.
As a teacher I would certainly say that talking to the teacher and keeping regular contact is a priority. In some cases we just didn’t know it was happening & the child would go home upset but not tell anyone ? x
It’s sad isn’t it but I can totally see that, we’ve had quite a few days where she hasn’t said anything to her teacher. Luckily now she has spoken up she knows they’re listening.
We have had to deal with bullying. Our little boy has ASD but knew the boy was being nasty to him. it was awful seeing him breakdown and tell me. I did exactly what you have written down and its worked. His teacher was horrified as she and the school are very anti bullying, it was stopped straight away #Blogstravaganza.
Bullying is horrible, regardless of the age and I can’t believe how young it is starting now! My son had a moment in reception that could have escalated but luckily it didn’t but it is so important they know who to talk to! (or that they can)
So sad when they have incidents of bullying. Your heart really breaks doesn’t it.
N had one boy at the start of reception hitting him in the back. He didn’t tell the teachers at first, but at least told me, so we did a bit of role play on what he could say to the boy and when he should speak to the teachers. I then spoke to the teacher – it was played down as ‘there’s a lot of lively boys who aren’t used to being in a school setting, we’re working on it as a class’, and said they’d be keeping an eye out. N said it happened once more and he told the teacher and that seemed to be it although he still avoids hat child where possible.
Feel free to share your post on my Facebook wall by commenting there – http://facebook.com/bubbablue.blog I think it’d help some of my readers. I also have a #schooldays linky if you want to add it to the linky
Thanks Emma, will join your linky! It’s good when they know to avoid the other child, H just wants to be friends with the bullies still!
Oh gosh, I always find it amazing how mean children can be at such an early age. Some great tips for dealing with it though, unfortunately it seems to be really common.
Being a kid is tough and so is being a parent and knowing when is the right time to step in. Great advice, I think the communication with the school is key.
I worry about my eldest as he is so sensitive but luckily no problems so far, popping back from #dreamteam
Children can be so cruel, and my experience was that girls are often so much worse than boys. They’re so b*tchy! Unfortunately bullying isn’t always restricted to schools, it often happens at the work place too
Some great advice here. I hope it’s something I never have to worry about but children can be very cruel ;(
Great advice. I hope my daughter has the courage to talk to me if she ever experiences bullying
This is so difficult and I don’t envy you being in this position but your tips are excellent and I think how you have managed it is fantastic. I really hope this doesn’t carry on much longer for your daughter
Laura x
We are having a couple of issues with the same child at my son’s school but they have been brilliant and have bully monitors that look after the younger ones. Great tips here
Great tips! We had a bullying episode earlier on in this school year. Thankfully I was quite hot on the school and kept reminding them of their policies and responsibility to get it nipped in the bud. It’s all sorted now. Was such a horrible thing to go through though.
Thankfully I won’t have to go through this, not anytime soon and if my plans fall into place because we are homeschooling. But I have been through this on the professional side and it’s not great #twinklytuesday
Some great advice for parents here – children can be so cruel and unkind. I really hope if I ever have kids they are not victims of bullying x
Gawd, I had no idea it started so young. Zach starts school in September – I really hope we don’t have to deal with it in the early days. Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday