I’m not sure why, but this week I’ve seen quite a bit of seemingly ‘anti-working mum’ comments.
On Tuesday Sky News asked the question “Can working mums be good mums?”.
Seriously.
They even invited a moron man from ‘Justice for Men & Boys’ to speak live on air voicing his opinion that kids of working mums don’t do as well.
Stupid questions
Personally, I can’t understand why anyone felt the need to ask that question in 2016. Why does whether you go to work or not have any reflection on your parenting abilities? Does it mean that all stay at home mums must be fantastic parents?
If they can get away with asking that, then surely it’s only fair to follow up with “Can working dads be good dads?”, but of course, that kind of question never gets asked because only working mums get flack for not being with their kids 24/7. Dad’s just get a pat on the back for being a man and providing for the family.
“Your children will remember whether you were there for them or not…”
So I was already a bit annoyed when this image popped up in my Facebook news feed on Wednesday.
The comments were a mix of working mums taking offence to the quote and stay at home mums defending it or saying that the working mums had got the wrong end of the stick.
I did actually take offence to it. How dare anyone assume what my daughter will remember. I will bet money that when she’s grown up she will remember the house she grew up in and the fun days out we had as a family, more than she’ll remember the fact that I worked to help pay for it all.
Don’t give in to the “mummy guilt”
It’s obviously easier to ignore all of these stupid comments and news stories and get on with your life, and most of the time I just think “f#%&ing idiots” and keep scrolling.
But I’m a mum of a school-aged child, and as she’s not around for me to look after all day anyway I don’t feel bad about working. However, when you’re a working mum to a baby or toddler, not a day goes by when you don’t feel guilty for leaving your child with someone else while you go to work. When missing important milestones like first steps or words reduce you to tears because you were at work instead. These mums don’t need to come home and see someone spouting off about how they don’t make good mums or their child will just remember that they weren’t there.
There’s no need to be made to feel guilty for providing for your family.
There’s no need to feel guilty about showing your child that you’re a fantastic role model who works hard.
And there’s not even any need to feel guilty if you actually like going to work and having some child-free time.
On the flip side, there’s also no need to feel guilty if you stay at home rather than go to work.
There are plenty of reasons, however, to feel guilty for publicly slating the personal choices of other mums who are just doing their best.
There are also reasons to feel guilty for sticking your nose into other people’s business and making assumptions about how they look after their children.
The only parents I judge are the ones who seem to be more bothered about what other mums are doing than focussing on their own parenting.
Wouldn’t it be lovely if we all just got on with looking after our own kids and let other mums do the same?
Wishful thinking?
Love this post… I saw the same photo yesterday and it really did pee me off..
I was a stay at home mum with my first two until my youngest was 4 and with my third I went back to work when she was 3 months old (much to everyone’s hatred, but it kinda had to be done) and to be honest they’ve all turned out OK both ways… I agree that as mums (working or not) as long as we’re there for our children and raise them how we ourselves think right, then that’s what they’ll remember… Plus with me working, my elder two know more about work ethic and that you need to work hard to get what you want in life…
Anywho, great post 🙂
Kirsty x
Thanks Kirsty, glad other people felt the same about the photo!
Everyone always seems to be more caught up in what others are doing then focusing on themselves. Sadly, I think no matter what you do as a parent you’ll always be judged from an opposing camp. I’m a stay at home mother and feel judged for this a lot.
I am too, due to language and medical problems. I am fed up with having to explain myself to people. So fed-up that I have written out a work description, with full schedule and all 89 hours accounted for. I think I will whip it out the next time someone asks me “But don’t you get bored at home ALL DAY?” Grrrrr. 😉
You’re right, other people always think they know best. I for one admire SAHMs, I couldn’t do it!
Here here! I’m about to return to work and I’m having mixed emotions to be honest! I will be glad to have money in the account again because we need a good family day out, and my job can provide that! But of course I have that mummy guilt of leaving them at home, but they will be with their daddy 🙂 xxx
There’ll always be the guilt no matter what, mine’s only gone now that my daughter is at school and it’s out of my hands! Good luck, it is nice as you say to have some extra money and a bit of time on your own to drink a hot cup of tea 😉
Absolute disgrace these kind of statements. It makes us working mum’s look like complete monsters in that photo. These days you’d think people are more easy going on this. I know a lot of stay at home mum’s who now decided to go back to work.
In my opinion you need to keep yourself busy with something else too other than minding the kids 24/7
Agree with you Janine, I would go crazy if I was at home all day. We all just want to do the best for our families at the end of the day!
To be honest though and I don’t mean to be rude but even statements like ‘I would go crazy if I stayed at home all day’ is pretty judgmental. Implies that those making that choice (or non-choice) are ‘just’ staying at home and that this isn’t fulfilling in itself when for some women it is and that’s really great.
It’s a really hard balance to strike and really hard to find the right solution. Whatever works for you and your family is what is best, ignore the naysayers.
I’m not judging anyone who stays at home all day at all. My ‘I’d go crazy’ comment was purely a personal one – after 10 months maternity leave I felt like I was losing my mind. That’s me judging myself, no one else!
completely agree let everyone get on with raising their own children and keep your noes out of others situations. At the end of the day we are just trying to do our best in our own tin pot way. As a stay at home mam it drives me mad when someone says to me ‘oh aren’t you lucky you can afford to stay at home and “not work”‘. Nope we live of one bloody wage and i do work 24/7 just like you. Great article x x
Thanks Gemma 🙂 No matter what you do people will criticize, hard to ignore sometimes though isn’t it!
My mother was a single mother for most of my life and worked two big jobs and the odd weekend job to feed and cloth us and yet she is the best mother in the entire world we had a great childhood, I learned so much from her by example as much as she taught me directly. I think most definitely. Thanks for linking up to #ShareWithMe.
I am a SAHM, due to language difficulties, and medical problems. I am so fed up with having to explain myself to people. So fed up that I have written out a work description, with full schedule and all 89 hours accounted for.
I think I will whip it out the next time someone asks me “But don’t you get bored at home ALL DAY?” No!! I don’t get time to be bored! 😉
You can’t win can you? Either way people feel they have a right to judge! Thanks for reading 🙂
“Wouldn’t it be lovely if we all just got on with looking after our own kids and let other mums do the same.” – Spot on lady!
Really appreciate this post. #MadMidWeek
When I was growing up my Mummy had 2 and sometimes 3 jobs on the go yet she was still able to wash our clothes, feed us well and keep the house clean & tidy. She wasn’t a single parent but with my Dad away all the time whether that be on deployment or exercise through the army, she may as well have been. Thanks so much for linking up with the #MadMidWeek linky.
Great blog, everyone raises their children differently. Your doing a great job, I don’t judge anyone, mother earth mums annoy me tho! Ha x