I’m A Selfish Mother!

My name is Sarah and I’m a selfish mother.

I'm A Selfish Mother! | www.digitalmotherhood.com

There’s a horrible lady called Miranda Devine, an Australian columnist who I can only liken to Katie Hopkins. I’m not going to link to her article because I don’t want to give her any extra web traffic, but this week she offended all working mums with an article about not letting your career make you a bad mum. Basically caring about your career makes you selfish.

In the article, Devine says “motherhood is under threat” because women are prioritising their careers over their families. Because we all know being a working mum means you think less of your kids than stay at home mums.

She also says mummy bloggers are “focusing on the mother at the expense of the child” and we’re wrong teaching women not to put everyone else first. Who said mums aren’t allowed to be happy or have a life of their own?

She also says we’re becoming “feminist warriors against the so-called gender wage gap”. So called?! And do you know why we have to be “feminist warriors” – because no one calls Dads selfish for going to work!

You might have seen my post last year “Can working mums be good mums” when I got a bit ranty about a section on Sky News along the same kind of lines. The thing is, the comments then were from a male chauvinist pig. This time it’s a woman attacking her fellow females, which in my opinion makes it even worse.

I returned to work 3 days a week when my daughter was 8 months old and left her with grandparents  & nursery. I did this mainly because we needed the money to help pay the mortgage and bills.

Another reason was that I needed to use my brain, escape CBeebies and find some adults who didn’t want to talk about poo or breastfeeding. Call social services!

Does this woman think us working mums enjoy missing our kids’ first words or first steps? That not being able to attend school events doesn’t break our hearts? Or even that we like to pay hundreds of pounds out of our hard earned cash for someone else to look after our kids.

We put ourselves before our kids daily. We tidy, we cook, we clean. We do school runs, we ferry kids to after school activities, we spend our weekends taking them to birthday parties for kids we don’t even know. We spend most of our wages on them, we get up in the middle of the night to find lost teddies, we spend hours on school projects.  We do all of this as well as going to work and we’re bloody exhausted.

Well, if she thinks that’s a sign of a selfish mother then she ain’t gonna like this…

Reasons why I’m a selfish mother

  • I like going to work, using my brain and having adult conversations.
  • Sometimes in the school holidays when Little H is in childcare I leave her there an hour or 2 longer than I need to so that I can have a bit of time to myself after finishing work.
  • One day this week I saw her for 30 minutes after work because I then went out with some friends for a meal and a glass of wine.
  • Now and again on a Saturday afternoon, I’ll go to town by myself even though I’ve been at work all week and away from my child.
  • Sometimes I have a really long soak in the bath with my book and leave her Dad to sort dinner and play with her.
  • I’ve written blog posts like this one encouraging mums to make time for themselves.
  • Little H is having chicken nuggets for dinner tonight because I can’t be bothered to do anything else after a stressful day at work.

Do you know what – I’m not even sorry! I love my daughter, I like my job, and I’m an awesome mum – Little H tells me so.

I’ll leave you with this brilliant lady, Em Rusciano, who had a fantastic response to the article.

I'm A Selfish Mother! | www.digitalmotherhood.com

High five to the selfish working mums!

Sarah

 

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24 thoughts on “I’m A Selfish Mother!

  1. Eliana says:

    It’s so important to find the right balance. You shouldn’t feel bad with yourself if what you do works for you and your family. I think every family situation is unique and we as women should stop judging and actually start uplifting one another. We all do the best we can, sahm, working mums, single mums… and by the way, I do give them noodles every once in a while cause they love them and they’re so easy to make! Lol.. (that’s my little confession as another working mum) xx

  2. Katy - Hot Pink Wellingtons says:

    I often feel that women can’t win – whatever choice they make is criticised by someone. I went back to work two days a week and for me it’s the perfect balance. I like the fact I have something other than ‘being mummy’ to occupy my mind and it brings in that little bit of extra income. I think whether you’re a working mum or a ‘stay at home mum’ (I hate that term!), I think we all need a bit of time to ourselves now and again, and we shouldn’t be made to feel selfish for that. And yup, I could tick every reason on your list, so I guess that makes me a selfish mother too! Thanks for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

  3. Biscuit Please Mummy says:

    Thank you writing this – nearly all of my thoughts. Now I am child number two and have toughened up a bit and am less worried about what other people think. I am to going to New York in a few weeks to celebrate my best friend’s 40th – big selfish mother right there. But I am not a selfish friend – because guess what? I am a friend as well as a mum and a lot of other things too. #SharingTheBlogLove

  4. Barrie Bismark says:

    Wow. Great post. You have to do what is best for you and your family. Someone else will always judge, but you know best. I am also a working mom. Good for you!
    #stayclassymama

  5. Rebecca | AAUBlog says:

    oh wow, what a crazy article it must have been. I’ma work-at-home mum but it doesn’t mean organic home cooked meals every night, just because I’m physically at home. This Miranda sounds like a pleb x

  6. Helen @talking_mums says:

    You’re definitely not selfish. She seems to be living in the dark ages! Today all families have such varied lifestyles and jobs and we are all different. so with regards to being a working mum, SAHM, WAHM there is no right answer that will suit all. As adults we try our best to make the right decision for our own family whether it’s from the need to or want to. Def not selfish x

  7. Zoe says:

    Ugh. Women that tear other women down really piss me off . I don’t understand the “fashion” for constantly attacking mothers. We are dammed if we do and dammed if we don’t. Whether it’s because we work/don’t work/formula fees/breastfeed/vaginal birth/C section. Whatever we do some small minded (insert strong C word here) will tell us we’re doing it wrong. You keep being selfish mama because you’re not really. Ring selfish. You’re just being kind to yourself too. And you is important! Great piece! Thank you for sharing! #Fortheloveofblog

  8. Jemma says:

    I’ve returned to work after each of my 4 children. As we need the money and I think I would be selfish not to because then I’d be depriving our children of a lots of things that it would help them to have.

  9. Hannah Spannah says:

    My goodness, that women sounds terrible! Why can’t women stop tearing each other down? Stay at home Dads don’t tear working Dads down so why would women? Apart from the odd truly bad ones, most Mum’s are just doing the best they can. If the children are fed, warm, clothed, housed, loved and cherished, that should be enough. Thanks for joining the #weekendblogshare

  10. webmdiva says:

    I’ve never heard of this woman, probably because she’s an idiot. If you’re a selfish mom, you’re in incredibly good company.

    #StayClassyMama

  11. lauren bristo says:

    urgh! where do some people get off? I totally agree that a mother attacking other mothers is just waaay out of the code man! we should support each other and from one selfish mother to another I think we are doing a pretty good job! #stayclassymama

  12. thetaleofmummyhood says:

    How infuriating is this woman! I am a SAHM who would love to be at work, I definitely do not think working mums are selfish in anyway shape or form. Looking after yourself is so important and should actively be encouraged, good on you for speaking out about it. Love this post, thanks so much for sharing it with #Blogstravaganza xx

  13. Emma T says:

    I am you. I’m not a baby person, not keen on kids (other than my own) really, and I like going to work, I like earning money, money so I don’t have to stress or rely on my OH to give me handouts, and I like that fact that N won’t grow up expecting his mum to spend all her time cleaning/and that she has a life, and that women should be able to have a life outside being a mum. I also take him on days out and holidays, to the park, swimming, play games with him, help with his homework and reading, feed him, teach him how to be a nice little boy…none of which his dad does (who also works).

    Yes I might be selfish, but I’ve every right to be given my whole life has changed due to having him, yet the OH’s hasn’t. I’m now getting me back (able to go out dancing twice a week, and out at weekends if needed, and N is old enough to get the choice at weekends to go out to work with his dad).

  14. Harriet Lee says:

    LOVE THIS. I am also a selfish mother too! I went back to work, for the exact same reasons as you when my daughter was 8 months old. I too also like to enjoy some time for ME as i think it is SO important. Thanks for sharing such a fab honest post x

  15. The Pramshed says:

    There is nothing wrong with being a working mum, and it’s a fact of life these days that us Mum’s like to work. Not just for enjoying work, but also to support the family, as well as demonstrating to our children that working is not just for Dad’s. Most days I only ever see my daughter for 30 minutes in the week after work too, which is hard, but we make it work. Thanks so much for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x

  16. Mums' army says:

    Fantastic post! Fantastic points very well made! When woman attack other woman just for headlines it is very sad. We all love our children and want the best for them and a happy mummy will ensure that happens whether their working or at home, it’s what ever works for you and your family. #blogstravaganza

  17. The Mum Project says:

    I’m sorry but that woman is an idiot. First of all I don’t even think we are being selfish, I think in a way we are being less selfish because a child is happy when the mom is happy. And as you rightly point out, dad’s are never asked whether they feel guilty leaving their kids at home or whether they’re being selfish for having a job. This makes me so angry, I can’t believe how intolerant some people can be. We shouldn’t judge people for their choices, it’s their choice! Thanks for sharing with #stayclassymama!

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